I have something about "life" recently...read many things bout it... heard and feel a lot of events about it... and actually I do think a lot about it.. In ur opinion, what's the point of being a living existence in this planet? Until the time as we speak now, I (still) can't figure out the answer myself. But somehow, I have made up my mind about several things in my life. I want to live my life like I mean it. Live every second of my life like I mean it. Sound simple isn't it? Sometimes I realize that I am too busy to think about the things that I haven't achieved in this life.. In some points, it's a good thing, cause it makes me keep on trying to be a better person day by day, havin my dreams and hope that make my life goes on.. But in the other hand, it also makes me forget to be grateful about my life.. How actually I have received A LOT.. many wonders happened to me.. my little wonders, that maybe means nothing for u but means a lot for me. My small family that I still think this is the best family for me.. my dad who always been my hero, my teacher and my friend... my mom who always be here and there for me givin me all the spirit to make it all the way.. my bros.. my lover that I really love with all her wonders and love me back... the place where I can always share my day.. my friends where I get so much fun together.. getting the chance to learn in a great place.. learning new stuffs.. meeting many new great friends.. I have my life.. and now I can say that I am happy and grateful with my life... I know it isn't the perfect nor the best life one can have.. but anyway.. I am happy with it...

Now I am still on my way to improve myself.. to be a better person for my beloved people.. and I won't stop.. I want to be all that I can be for them.. be their reason to smile..

In a moment like this, I really think that life itself is a pure bliss :) life has its own way to show us how beautiful they are... maybe it will never be easy, or maybe sometimes life has a real trouble for us and given us all the reason we need to be depressed.. but it has its own unique way to show itself that it is beautiful just the way it always been...

So, what now? U realized or not.. life keeps on goin.. day by day.. it keeps on rollin.. no matter we like it or not.. whether we ready or not.. we have to be prepared.. u will never know when a chance come by.. or when u have to make ur decision.. by the time it comes.. like it or not.. u have to be ready.. and so do I.. I am on still my way there.. hopin that when the time comes.. I will be ready.. and I want to live every second of my life like I mean it..

Just sharin my thought anyway.. I never been those philosophers who can describe everything in their complicated way.. I just sharin all my thought about life.. and they all come back to u to shape ur own meaning of life and how u want to live it..

Where those smiles go??

Belakangan sedang merasa, entah kenapa rasanya kegiatan yang namanya tertawa itu agak sulit dilakukan..tertawa lepas...tanpa ada beban...

Dulu rasanya hidup tuh santai... ga ada beban... apalagi waktu masih menjadi "the power of putih abu-abu"... hidup kayak ga ada beban... ga peduli ada pekerjaan rumah... ga peduli ada ulangan dan ujian... rasanya yakin aja kalo semuanya akan baik" aja...

Sekarang mau kayak gitu rasanya susaahhhh banget...

hah..lagi suntuk aja kali yah??

i just want to be happy...

sincerely happy...

btw.. photo di atas.. itu photo anak-anak yang tinggal di perkampungan di sekitar kolong jembatan pasupati, Bandung... orang ini pernah minta photo ekspresi jadi sekalian aja deh..hhe

any comment??

Responsibility? Trust me, responsibility sucks... Entah lagi suntuk... Entah lagi stress (yang berpotensi tumbuh dan berkembang menjadi depresi yang lama-lama mengundang saudara tuanya yg kronis bernama frustasi untuk datang juga).. Entah emang lagi bosen sama rutinitas... Tapi pikiran itu yg lewat di kpala barusan... Responsibility sucks! Ternyata menjadi bertambah tua dari hari ke hari (padahal kayaknya kelakuan lebih mirip remaja-usia-lanjut) datang bersama bertambahnya tanggung jawab yang musti diambil... Tanggung jawab masalah pendidikan... masalah kerjaan... masalah tanggung jawab sama diri sendiri... Itu belum lagi tanggung jawab sama orang lain...sama atasan...sama murid-murid...sama orang tua...

Mau kabur rasanya...kabur dari tanggung jawab...kabur dari rutinitas...mau menepi dari kepenatan hidup dan padatnya rutinitas (gaya padat, padahal hidup cuma selebar tugas-kerjaan-dosa...ga jauh-jauh dari situ)... Tapi kali ini benar-benar pengen kabur rasanya...

Tapi kayaknya ga bisa kabur juga...mau kabur kmana...itu deadline tetep aja menghantui pikiran gw... mau tau separah apa kondisinya?? sampe mimpi gw aja..gw dikejar-kejar deadline... kembalikan masa mudakuu!! (lho kok ga nyambung?)...tapi ya gitulah...sudah separah itu...sampe kayaknya orang-orang yang ketemu gw di tikungan rumah punya pendapat kalo gw itu cuma punya 2 tipe keadaan tiap hari...kalo ga prihatin... ya dalam keadaan memprihatinkan...hha

Pas masi kecil kayaknya penasaran jadi orang tua (gamaw bilang dewasa...belum berasa jadi dewasa soalnya)... bisa kerja...bisa cari uang sendiri... bisa meeting (dulu berasa kalo si papa meeting tuh keknya keren banget)... bisa pulang malam... bisa beli makan sendiri... bole nonton yang aneh-aneh (definisikan sendiri,hhe)... tapi ternyata menjadi lebih tua itu ga seindah itu.. kerja itu capek... cari uang sendiri cuma enak menghabiskannya doang... meeting (baca: diskusi) cuma kegiatan yang berpotensi menambah musuh (padahal kayaknya orang yg berbeda pendapat uda bisa bikin 2 kesebelasan, tinggal bikin pertandingan aja)... pulang malam, kalo lupa bawa kunci musti loncat pagar yang dipanjatnya susahnya amit-amit, dan berpotensi diteriakin maling sama tetangga muda yang anaknya suka meraung-raung di tengah malam buta...tapi mau gmana...ga bisa milih juga toh? suka-ga-suka...pilihan ini musti diambil...and I'm tryin to grow up...

dan dipikir-pikir..jadi tambah tua itu ternyata ga sejelek itu..walaupun hidup yang tetep cuma selebar tugas-kerjaan-dosa...tapi klo tambah tua..variasi dosanya bisa lebih banyak yah...hha...tapi mau gimana juga...hidup itu emang indah karena begini adanya kan? jadi, dicoba dinikmati aja deh yah :)

inti dari posting ini? yah gitu deh...gataw juga sebenernya point-nya mau ngomong apa...tapi kayaknya cuma mau mengeluarkan uneg-uneg di kpala...hhe..

ada yang isa kasi ide kalo lagi kayak gini enaknya ngapain buat menghilangkan segala beban di hati (halah...)...terutama buat para remaja-lanjut di luar sana...enaknya ngapain yah??

ada cerita lain?? mau berbagi rasa suntuk?? silahkan...ditunggu yah :)

oya..ada komentar buat photo di atas?

Many things crossed my mind recently...Many simple-yet-sometime-sound-so-silly thought...

Like..until now...I still can't think of a single reason why I still doing all this Architecture stuff but I can mention you hundreds reason why I want to quit this thing... But still... I'm still doin this... And still don't know why... Maybe I didn't realize it, that this thing started to flow in my vein... Until now I often didn't realize when I started to like something... Like the day when I started to like photography...or design... It just happened... without any reason... And here I am, finding myself really enjoying myself in those fields... And those stuffs have flown in my vein and became a huge part in my everyday life... And the same thing also occured in the moment when I started to like somebody... It just occured... without any reason... Until I find myself that I really like that person... Like her... Love her... Just the way she always is... Not more not even less.. Started to like her because she is her...Hmm...actually, I still remember when I realize that feeling...when I read this...(I have mentioned it in my previous post I guess)

Other thing is...I don't know why... I have the intention to something that unreachable for me.. something that maybe I can't get... or anything that seemed to good for me... have a high-level-and-sometimes-unrealistic-if-you-don't-want-to-say-it-crazy standard about almost every aspect in my life... but I still believe that this is a good thing... at least I give it a shot to reach it.. to live my dream... I still choose the hard way... to give anything a try... okei, I admit that sometimes those questions did pop in my mind...such as "how if I am wrong?", "how If I made mistake that I can't undo?"... but....what the hell... I still believe it's much better to give it a try... even though maybe I fail another day... but at least I have given it a try... than let myself stuck in the moment and wondering about that thing... at least I can sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug... so I am able to try another possibilities another day... And it's even better that you know what you want... It whole lotta better than not knowing what you want...

isn't it?
any opinion?